For my birthday, one of my good friends gave me a tiny wooden bat. That’s right, a bat. We’re the type of friends where little things always seem to have some deeper meaning or broader implication and being my own particular brand of wacky, this was actually the perfect gift. Some girls like jewelry or purses (don’t get me wrong I certainly would not turn down a Louie Vuitton!) but I love originality and thought so the next afternoon I sat down in the daylight and without my vodka goggles on to take a better look. It came with a little pamphlet describing how a bat symbolizes the idea of Shamanistic death. I know what you might be thinking, sounding a little dark for a celebration eh? The pamphlet explained that in Meso-American tribal legend, the bat involves shedding the past or old identity and stepping into your destiny. Rebirth.
I could definitely identify with that after my Guts and Gucci Episode! For the last several weeks I felt like I had been swimming in deep waters and this structureless, reflective space was surfacing all sorts of emotions. Some days I felt like I was on top of the world and I could see my aspirations for the future materializing effortlessly. Some days I felt lost, like I couldn’t find my identity and a dark sea of ambiguity was swallowing me whole. As I sat examining the detail in the carving of this little wooden bat I realized I wasn’t lost at sea, I was submerged in the embryonic fluid of rebirth. Not like Keanu Reeves in that gnarly scene at the beginning of The Matrix
but like a beautiful and poetic water nymph from ancient Greek mythology.
Well this recognition didn’t change the current flux and flow, but as the the days went on I began learning how to ride the waves instead of fight the tide. I remembered Science 101 and heard the spirit of Isaac Newton whisper in my ear “what goes up, must come down.” Days I felt high I would take advantage of the opportunity for perspective, do work and just be grateful. When I was low I trusted that clarity would come again soon and as I dissolved fear, I began exploring a whole new world in each new layer of myself.
I know that I have a habit of dismissing my emotions and as I embrace them more openly now it allows me to see both myself and others in a more compassionate light. I know that my emotions are not something to ever be dismissed or degraded as “PMS” or “being dramatic” but that they are a sort of divine guidance. A lot of people feel perspective when they look to the stars or observe the grandeur of the ocean, but that same auspicious wisdom can be grasped from deep within. My emotions tell me where I am in proximity to where I need to be and they deserve to be respected, that’s why people are always saying “follow your gut!” Or as I like to say
I have always put a lot of pressure on myself and although it’s helped me accomplish a lot, it feels good to let some of that go. I have become friends with the bat and this idea of rebirth, embracing the words of Lily Tomlin “If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.”
A woman I admire very much always says you can see something as a roadblock, or you can turn it on it’s side and make a stepping stone. She says opposition creates a bridge from where you are to where you want to be and as far as I know there are only two things to do with a bridge; burn it, or cross it.