I love exploring different layers of myself. I love that I can dress in white and wear no makeup and then black out my eyes, throw on some fishnets and play a completely different role. All of these characters are me, they are just vastly different parts of me. I’m not sure if other people have as many personas as I do, but I have always been drawn to things of great contrast and enjoyed dichotomy. As I explore this idea of The Innocent I can’t help but think of its counterpart, The Guilty. For a lot of my life I have felt guilty. Guilty of what? I have no idea, everything and nothing. In my minds eye I see The Innocent version of myself, I see a loving, open and kind little girl just trying to find her way in this world. Yet before I go too far this dark side sweeps in and reminds me that I like kink, weapons and power. Does liking these things make me evil? Are my innate, undeniable preferences wrong? I am answered by two voices.
Instead of choosing the Devil on the left or Jiminy Cricket on my right, as often I have been made to think I must, I find it essential that I embrace them both. I only find rest and peace when I observe the wholeness of myself with acceptance. I have battled with the shouldn’t and should’s and now I know that these things are not right or wrong and it is only my perception of them, so I am choosing to change my perspective. Today, I’m re-defining The Innocent.
: not guilty of a crime or other wrong act
: not deserving to be harmed
:vulnerable and open
:not condemnatory of self or others
Innocence used to be about virginity, chastity and purity, but that’s the old paradigm and we are living in a new world in every moment. Being innocent does not mean not having experiences in life, it’s about approaching those experiences from a place that is open and honest and untainted. It’s about refusing to become jaded no matter what the majority thinks, no matter what the news propagates, no matter how many broken hearts have ensued. It takes a great deal of bravery and courage to remain innocent in the face of corruption, lies or fear and it takes a great deal of strength to remain vulnerable when the temptation to close off becomes overwhelming.
I will continue exploring these ideas and ways to RE-DEFINE different terms and concepts that have come to be understood as fact by many. For example, I grew up around guns and target shooting so for me guns were never “bad,” but to the kid who experienced a school shooting there is a whole different association. I’m not a politician so I will not discuss gun control or government policy, but neither of those vastly difference experiences make guns right or wrong. There is power and and strength in looking outside of ones own experience of something and recognizing the choice to see it differently and that is what I am doing. Step outside the box and RE-DEFINE perceptions, RE-DEFINE beliefs, RE-DEFINE life.
**What would you like to RE-DEFINE? Write in and tell me your thoughts and it may end up in my next post! Just let me know if you would enjoy your name being mentioned or if you would prefer to remain anonymous**